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My mum constantly tells me I should be a psychiatrist because I have an interest in the area, and can rattle off the names and side affects of plenty of drugs, and since I was young I enjoyed googling the names of everything in our medicine cabinet and learning about them.

   Anyway, today I was just thinking about how I woke up feeling really damn low, numb, and just standing up to brush my teeth feels exhausting, but im feeling a little better now my ADHD drugs kicking in. Im fairly sure these medication do help me to some extent. While I was on a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, I am still on a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, which I think is keeping certain depression symptoms somewhat at bay during the day.

"A relationship appears to exist between the 3 main monoamine neurotransmitters in the brain (i.e., dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin)  and specific symptoms of major depressive disorder." - Relationships of neurotransmitters to the symptoms of major depressive disorder,- D.J. Nutt

In case its not something you’re familiar with, a reuptake inhibitor means it stops the brain from taking those neurotransmitters away from where their useful„ making them do their job better for longer.

 

My back hurts cos my brother attacked me several times yesterday. My own fault in ways,  tried standing up to him.

he’s special needs and not taking his damn risperidone so he’s really easily angry and can get violent. He was pissed at my mum for talking about what he was wearing or something  and screams as loud and agressivly as he can, he’s a bully, he’s trying to intimidate my parents, he;s much bigger that either. I told him luodly and firmly not to talk like that and that im not scared of him and he rushed at he pushing me into a door. I said the same thing to him shortly after about not being scared of him, and that made him run around the table at me, I was sitting down eating, and just covered by head and tried to use my leg to hold him away, so he reached over my head and punched my back hard several times. that seems to be what hurting now. 

After that I did get a bit hit when he went for my mum and I may have hit him in the face to try and get him off her. then I went to call the police as my parents told me and he managed to break away and get me to get my phone and he pulled out a lot of my hair. Unfortunately I missed when I tried to punch his groin. I immediately go into defensive position these situations, my parents ingrained it into me, I get down low and cover my head, he’s got lousy co-ordination and can’t do major damage. We cancelled the police because he freaked out and started crying thinking he’d go to prison. technically I could have had him arrested for assaulting me. My hands all bruised and I don’t know if its from hitting him, or self defence injury.

I think everyone should have a special “I’m not feeling good blanket”

Mine is white and thick, fleecy one one side, kind of fluffy like a teddy on the other, My mum gave it to be. I make myself into a a burrito and shuffle form room to room wrapped in it.

lesserjoke:

I see you driving ‘round town with the girl I love and I’m like that’s cool, I guess she made her choice, and I gotta respect that. There’s probably a lot more going on in her life than I was aware of, which is actually a pretty good indication that our relationship was not in a healthy place to begin with. I wish you both the best of luck in making things work, and I hope we can all stay friends over this.

Does anyone else ever get this feeling, when you listen to an awesome sad song and think “Yes! play this at my funeral if I die, this will have people crying SO much”

Then I wonder that kind of sadistic fuck am I where I want to mess with people from beyond the grave?

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