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In case its not clear, I’m anti-pro ana.

I am an understanding, compassionate person. I will do everything in my power to understand a persons situation and try to never do anything out of ignorance. Im not going to attack vunerable people. Im just against promoting eating dsorders, thinspo, diets (especially abc type restriction rules). I will bever post that.  I don’t think anyone should.

Here’s the Lies Pro-Ana groups spread.

1. Its a lifestyle choice  
Its glorifying and encouraging an eating disorder. Its making an illness out to be a choice, which for actual suffers is catastrophic, it prevents understanding. You are making it out that there are options, that you can live with this. Every day with an eating disorder needs to be a step towards getting help and recovering. 

2.Its not going to affect anyone.
Some studies have suggested 75% of women have disordered eating. Eating disorders have very specific criteria, just because a person doesn’t meet the criteria does not mean you are not triggering. So many people hate their bodies, hate food, think they can control their life with food. and you are encouraging and pushing that view. You could be causing other people to develop an Eating disorder.

3. I’m not sick / mentally ill 
It lacks the link of Eating disorders and Mental illness.
Studies have indicated that roughly 50% of those with eating disorders (likely more) meet the criteria for depression. Many go on to be suicidal. People began these crash diets and restricting in order to try and achieve happiness and control in their life, Pro Ana content falsy advertises this. What it doesn’t tell a person is that they will likely become significantly more depressed and more happy with their looks.
On top of that the impact of body dysmorphia is never acknowledged. the fact that a malnourished mind is likely going to loose some grip on reality.

4.Just until I loose a few pounds
It makes people think they can create a body they will live. It makes them think they will be thin. I would quickly tell a person seeking to hold onto anorexia. “you will never be thin” why? Body dysmorphia. Have you ever heard a pro ana person talking about loving their thinness? I haven’t, I have seen scored of malnourished, or emaciated suffers scream and cry about how fat they think they are. Girls on their deathbeds in hospitals, their body unable to sustain them still telling their distraught families “I just want to be thin” Thinspo is a lie. You will be your own harshest critic. An eating disorder will never let you say this is enough. No matter that our body becomes, you will never see it. You will still hate it.
You cannot use self hate to create something you will love.

5. Its my body, I can do what I want.
This is more of a roundabout one. First thing is. No, you can’t not exactly. Sections exist for a reason, and they are enforced because you are deemed mentally unfit to care for yourself. when people are considered mentally ill they can be protected form themselves. Many argue against this. I would counter do you feel the same for suicide. If you had a friend who because suicidal, say in a bipolar high. Would you be fine with letting them? Odds are no. You would want them to be kept safe from themselves in until they are back to themselves. Even in countries where people have the right to die in cases of terminal illness, a huge amount on emphasis is placed on ensuring they re n the right mind. Many people expect mental illness to look like a violent psychotic episode, but it doesn’t depressed people often talk about having delusional beliefs and irrational self hatred at their worst times. You can be completely irrational, and still believe you are just making rational logical choices based on what you see before you. Suicidal, self harming behaviour though, is not indicative of a healthy, clear thinking human. 

As well as that, no one exists in a vacuum. Everyone needs to realise they can’t do anything in this world without affecting people around you. Family and friends suffer greatly, especially to see a loved one actively commit to causing their own ill health. No amount of ‘but I want to’ will reduce their pain. 

You will not always be in the same mindset, or be the same person you will be now You have a future self who likely, is not going to like what you’ve done. Many of those who survive go on to life with the bodily effects they caused themselves. Osteoporosis, infertility, heart and liver damage. etc. 
Generally, it in inhumane to let a person damage themselves permanently when they are not in their right mind. 

6. I don’t think it will kill me. 

Tragically I see this one a lot. Many folks actively to discuss trying to use an ED as a means of suicide. In which case I refer to previous point. But also I see a lot who seem in be in a typical teenage I’m invincible mindset. For many its that they have been doing this so long they think what they were told about death was just scare tactics. They don’t believe it anymore. They fail to realise that dying actually takes a pretty long time. and if you’re body has just one job, it would be to not die. So yeah, you are going to hang in there despite doing all the wrong things, This does not mean you can’t won’t die. You just got lucky.Your body will fight against your own attempts until it has nothing left to give, or something just overcomes it. Some people could be bedridden and hold on for weeks, others could look healthy and drop dead of a heart attack. You don’t know, you can’t rely on that. You are still playing with life and death, and its your parents who suffer picking out your coffin, because you simply didn’t care enough about living. 

7. This is me expressing myself
There are other ways to express yourself. Know that unless you’ve responcibly put a blog on private settings, pretty much everything you do on tumblr is for the attention of others. When you reblog diets and thinspo you need to be aware you are passing that on and making it visible on your followers dash, whether they want to see it or not. Artsy photos of emaciated people with messages equating the illness with strength and control is promoting the disordered beliefs to those who may not yet me immersed in the disorder, those who may be vulnerable.  Every reblog widens an audience and you have to accept responsibility for who its exposed to.  Maybe you think its ok for people such as yourself, but would you feel comfortable with a 10 year old seeing your blog? You have no control over where these messages go once you put it out there. Im not against all expressions of feelings. But be responsible when possibly spreading negative thinking. 
Make blogs private.
Don’t use tags.
Only post triggering feelings in text form.
Use a *read more* on triggering posts.
or just don’t reblog it.

lady from upstairs came to complain about my pigeon - while I was having sex with my boyfriend. Urgh. We do very rarely these days So I quickly turned on the shower and put a bathrobe around me and awkwardly answered the door. 

and this person is mad cos the lost racing pigeon I feed has pooped on her balcony and flown in the door 3 times now. 

It flies in my door every day. I don’t care. 
So now she’s asked me to stop feeding it, I said I would cos i’m awkwardly at my door in a bathrobe with a shower running, but I don’t want to. My boyfriends made me prose I won’t feed him, but he’s staring in the window at me waiting for his evening feed. Its not a wild bird, it grew up in a loft now its shitty owners won’t take it back. and I’m being asked to starve it away. 

Its been here a month and its tags are from the north, so I don’t even know if it can find its way home anymore.








50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada

Use, redistribute, print. 

Click image and magnify for large version.

Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticizedfiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.

so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex

it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine

i know my shit okay

im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid

Let me




some fucking

knowledge on you right now.

Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.

So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.

Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.

Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.

Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.

Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.

And this post is going into my bookmarks, because it is beautiful.

What scares me most is the fact that people, misinformed and ignorant people, will now try to enter the community/find play partners with the dangerous ideas of what BDSM is. They won’t respect a sub, they won’t listen.

And that can seriously hurt people. People can DIE.

Unfunny jokes

You wouldn’t joke about a black person being your slave,
So why do some still think ‘make me a sandwich’, and ‘get back to the kitchen’ jokes are still acceptable?!  or even funny?

Aren’t they both about oppression of a group of people based on how they were born.
Likely the world just doesn’t think gender equality is as valid as racial equality.

BF messed up my trust

So, yesterday, me and the S.O were kind of having a fight, it was a mutual silent treatment after some annoyance earlier on. Where he doesn’t want to be the one to make the effort to talk, i’m to scared that he’s mad at me to try.

So later on, after getting home and avoiding each other a while, I go into the sitting room, really quietly and he has his back to me, I can see he’s on his phone, and im curious and he hasn’t heard me so I walk up quietly, and then he opens fucking TINDER. (a dating app) so there was a of me being upset, he’s assured me he only downloaded it the other day with friends when they were talking about it. and I tried to put it out of my mind.

Today its just swirling and swirling around. He was pretty pissed that I asked the ‘are you cheating’, ‘are you breaking up with me’ questions, like he was insulted I don’t seem to trust him, but I feel its valid to have my trust shaken when during a fight I catch my boyfriend swiping through other girls on a dating app.

I have no one else to talk to right now, my therapist is not back for 2 weeks. So this is really distracting me at work today. I was tempted to tweet about it, but his mother is following me, so Id essentially be telling on him to his parents. Who would likely call him up about it.

I wouldn’t be mad if he had rejected everyone on it, if he was just seeing what it is, if he knew anyone on it, but he had approved girls, he said he was talking to them about the world cup. Which made me more pissed, cos I hate football, and it honestly made it sound like he was picking out a replacement who liked more of the same things as him.

Im still really upset, I say I trust him nothing happened, but I still feel like im putting myself out there, taking a chance. I don’t have concrete proof of anything good or bad.

It makes me so upset he basically said yes to girls, who said yes to him back so they could talk. Its basically him saying “Hey, you’re hot, I am presenting myself as single and open to communication with you

and thats fucking with my head. Its making me into a crazy jealous girlfriend and I have unbelievable urges to snoop. Cos I feel like I need to tear his phone apart till I’m reassured nothing was going on.

We have been together 2 years and lived together nearly a year now. So im quite invested, I want this all to be nothing. But at the same time, if someone was cheating and lying about it, it would look exactly like this, I only have blind faith to say otherwise.

He’s made it look like he was trying to hookup with other girls so he could get a shallow self esteem boost.

It was driving me so mad that today on my lunch a noped every guy his age in the area untill I found he was still on it. He says he deleted it, does your profile stay there when you delete the app?

right now I want him to message any girl he talked to and tell them, essentially, that he has a girlfriend he lives with, and that he’s a dick.

This will take time.

Edit: After some thought, I think im going to have to ask him to let me snoop. Obviously Ill have to wait till I see him so he wouldn’t potentially have time to hide anything.
Is this wrong? I would let him see anything I have in a heartbeat, I have nothing I need to hide form him. But if I ask and he says no Im going to be 1000% more worried. I want to ask can I read his recent facebook mesages, and see what he said to people on tinder. What would you do?

Societal acceptance of disordered eating

I HATE how normal we treat really messed up eating habits, we encourage people to treat food as a ‘guilty pleasure’ and commend others for resisting its temptation. We literally applaud eating disorder behaviours up until a person is underweight. Only then do we say “No that is not normal, that is messed up”, “thats not healthy”, “you shouldn’t think like that”. Its messed up, that person had the same disordered eating all the way through until they were small enough to notice.

Reject disordered eating, at any size.

You are not immune to EDs because you don’t feel thin enough to have one. Just because you don’t feel society will recognise you have a problem does not mean you are fine. If you are struggling, get help. No matter what size you are, how long its been.
Eating disorders come in one size, miserable.

Hows work going?

Well, I don’t actually like it, its not really interesting or challenging. But I have to learn off a lot of corporate spiels. Be around chatty office people, after having spent the best part of 2 years alone.

But I did get to buy pretty dresses I wouldn’t have otherwise, and I’m slowly robbing a major US company of its free sweets.

And Ive gotten people off my back with the ‘when will you get a job?’ crap.

Theres a pigeon in my kitchen, again.

So on friday evening this pigeon landed beside me on the balcony as I was watering plants. It has UK homing pigeon tags, we tried to contact owners but no luck. I gave it food and water. It walked past me into my kitchen and took up perch on the bin, we let it stay there overnight as it seemed sleepy. Saturday morning it seemed well so we put it back out on the balcony and after about half an hour it flew away. So this evening (Sunday) i’m lying on the bed on the other side of the apartment and it landed on top of my open window. Im somewhat amazed it was gone over 24 hours and found my window on the other side of the building in a complex with about 1000 identical windows.

Possibly we have messed up this pigeons homeing skills as it clearly did not fly home. Im still glad he came back to see me when I was feeling down. We call him Farley.

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