Back at the psychiatrist today with my mess of a mood chart from the last month.
This has actually been a fairly ok month. As I don’t go into any severe ranges. But I am finding a lot of my unpleasant moods are more often dysphoria. I might be having depressive thoughts, but my whole body and mind is too fucking energized so i’m restless and super energized, always on the go, Not in a good way. Whereas depression days are low energy, able to lay there for hours and do nothing.
… because I start feeling creative and make fancy infusions out of everything in the kitchen,
they can’t be drunk for like a week, but they sure look pretty.
How you motivate yourself can mean the difference between life and death. I mean that literally. and no where do I see that ring true so much as on tumblr
If we’re going to take a specific example I’d say it would be most obvious in weight loss and fitness blogs. We all know how much will power and determination weight loss can take, But I find that overall sometimes its the reasons why we do it at all that determine which path we’re going down. Hating your body, and yourself is probably the riskiest motivator to do anything. I think self-hate separates ourselves form out bodies, and makes us see it as something we can punish into submission. It becomes something we want to control, even hurt. It becomes addictive to think you have control over something. But in truth, we cannot escape our bodies, and in realities we are hurting ourselves. The mental ramifications of self-hate catch up quickly bringing with it the chaotic battle in our mind being both the bully and the victim.
We all know online communities are plagued with these messages. So motivators coming from a place of self love may struggle to define and separate themselves. I could have easily found both these images used here under the ‘weight loss tag’. It is so important to have respect for your body, and want it to be healthy.
You should want to nurture and shape your natural development. Not beat your body into submission. Loving yourself, no matter where you are in life, is the first step to being able to make healthy changes.
hanging thoughts like ‘I am not allowed to eat' to
‘I will eat the right amount of good nutritious food, and feel good about myself for it” .
If we think of ourselves as children, most know what abuse of any kind can cause lasting damage in all areas of the child’s life. Yet a caring , nurturing environment is likely to provide the best start in life.
After all the end game of it all is happiness. The only reason we motivate ourselves to do anything is because we perceive some lasting benefit out of it. Far too many motivation posts focus solely on the final result. How you get there shapes where you’ll end up.
You can’t expect to love your body if you use hate to shape it.
You can’t be proud of where you are if you keep telling yourself its not enough.
You can’t have a good relationship with people if you don’t think your good enough for their time.
You can’t create self-love from Self-hate
The maintenance dudes are smashing in a broken window in the building opposite so to replace it. Such a satisfying sound while I sit here working.
Got off the sub Sunday evening, outside a cinema, where a premier was happening and saw Moriarty from Sherlock. Still Pissed I didn’t have my camera
Today, my boyfriends parents call to warn me about the rumours a convicted rapist and suspected serial killer has moved to my area.
I live right by a gigantic beautiful park where I love to go photograph deer, and they freaked out when I previously told them I go away from the roads to do that.
And now I have another reason to be afraid to go outside my door.
Being frickin female makes me a supposed target, and I hate it.
Its so weird when you have dreams about dead people. In your dream you even do a little “but you’re dead’ moment and take their hand to see if they’re real, but you can feel the warmth in their hand. So a part of you knows their gone, but you can still tell them all about people missing them, what the funeral was like, whats happened since.
So, They say someone lived on in your heart. But to me, their stored in your head, your neurons are like ghosts, holding all the information to give you a brief interaction again.
Working from home making graphics for a startup company, whom I’m hoping will pay me one day.
At the same time I’m trying to figure whether or not to attribute my moods to coming off Prozac. Emotions are kind of raw, easier to get upset and cry, but also super irritable at times. Like everything and everyone pisses me off.
Before I get you’re hopes up, you should know I didn’t come away with any startling revelations, or profound insight.
But if you’re interested, I’ll tell you about the process.